Four months and 2 days ago my world as I knew it changed.
Little Bash made his appearance into our life and ever since then we have been learning all about each other and what life looks like from here on out.
In some ways it’s turned upside-down-can-barely-recognize-it-anymore and in other ways it feels like it’s hardly changed at all.
Tonight, for example, is the first time in 17 weeks that I have had a few solid, uninterrupted hours all to myself. Matt is working late and by some miracle Bash went to bed easily and didn’t have his usual 2-3 wakings.
I put him to bed, quietly snuck out of the room, and then just stood in the empty living room not knowing what to do with myself. Funny how you spend so much time thinking that there’s no free time to do anything and then when you finally have that precious time you don’t know what to do with it. Oh, life.
So I made a decision. I wasn’t going to work and I wasn’t going to tidy or clean the house. With the exception of some laundry because we are all out of clean clothes and have places to be in the morning #responsiblemom
Instead I made myself a cup of tea.
I came back to this blog of mine that has been sadly neglected and that I’ve missed oh-so-much.
I wrote some posts, browsed some favorite blogs of mine, and started some lists (because list making rank as one of my favorite things).
I stayed off Instagram.
And then I went and checked on the baby because 2 hours later he still hadn’t made a sound and the good old “is he still alive?” thoughts crossed my mine. Luckily my creeping in and putting my hand on his chest to check for breathing was enough to ease my worries and not wake him up.
Tonight was the first night that I saw a glimmer of what the next phase of life might look like. Maybe I will be able to intertwine some old-life things into this new-life soon. Maybe those moments of free time will slowly extend – and maybe they won’t. But one thing is guaranteed… I will still use some of that precisou time to sneak back into his room and watch that little face sleep.